Trance = a better way at living
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Monday, December 22, 2003
It was Daniela who sent me to PIXEL. To her I owe props.
Goodbye
Since the LJ corporation is freely distributing journals (no code needed for obtanation), I've made myself a new page with the intention of abandoning this one. I've gotten tired of homies browsing where they're not supposed to be browsing. (Hi Mikel)
I've also included no interests in my profile, so annoying random chastisers won't criticize me [The dream of freedom lives on!]
Anyone existing here who I don't send the new link to, write or call me if you care for it. I'd post it here for you, but then that would defeat the purpose, wouldn't it?
See you on the other side... Love Jaymie
i wonder if i'll miss being chained to freedom..
doubt it.
Current mood:  artistic Current music: Elton John- Someone Saved my Life Tonight
Friday, December 19, 2003
135 - MAC - 031210
I DO NOT HAPPEN TO BE A MACINTOSH USER
BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I HATE MACS
OR THAT I AM A RACIST
http://www.chrisdlugosz.net/pixel/ - The ultimate new millennium comic strip, featuring pixels.
"...until ultimately your mental ram can hold no more."
Can you read binary? - http://www.thinkgeek.com/cubegoodies/lights/59e0/
I Can! I SO want this clock! [Preferably the red one, in case anyone perchance reading this wants to buy my affection] I'm beginning to feel less consumed by art and more empowered by geek.
Current mood: consumed by art Current music: Sigur Ros music videos
Thursday, December 18, 2003
everybody, even you, post a note letting me know of your existence here. I really want to know who reads this. (Maybe it's not my concern, seeing as I am writing all of this, knowing anyone has access to it; that's not a problem to me. I'm just insanely curious. (I've been getting tons of anonymous comments lately, and i want to know how many are from the same person)
Cool.
Otherwise, there's the National NCFCA debate qualifying tournament this January (on my birthday again, of course). Also, I'm trying to find my way to Disney land for my birthday too [I've never been there before..please send one dollar to the 'pity the poor americans' fund so blonde-haired, hazel-eyes, fair-skined children with parents of middle-class income can partake of the corporate world.]
I'm going to the True's house for christmas eve! Actually..my relatives aren't doing any christmas stuff together until the 27th. I know that doesn't really matter..but it somewhat bugs me that I won't be with all my family the 26th like we've done for the years past. (The 26th is my extended christmas..always has been.) Oh well..I doubt it will affect me more than it is right now..which isn't an incredible amount of effect.
Happy 100th anniversary of flight. Go pixels!
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
I used to love getting anonymous comments in this thing; now it just bugs me. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that the only anonymous postings i get nowadays are critisisms..which i love getting from people i know..but it seems so cowardice coming from the nameless people who contradict me here. And i hate being criticized by cowards. Somehow, even if i've never met the person, their "opinion" of me seems 10x less annoying when it's coupled with their name. I'd disable anonymous posters, but half of my friends who read this don't have lj's of their own. so i'm screwed.
I was supposed to visit Thea yesterday, but i worked myself too hard and fell asleep. [I did get a lot done though.] Why is it almost noon already? I have school tomorrow- go blacklist.
Current mood:  annoyed Current music: blues tunes
Monday, December 15, 2003
I've never been fond of 2pm..it's worse than 1pm. At least it's not as bad as 3..and knowing that things won't begin to clear up until 5:30 / 6pm doesn't make 4 o'clock any better. The only good thing about 2 o'clock is knowing that I can get ready to go somewhere at 5:45. The afternoon is hell. Which is ironic, as it's freaking cold right now.
Justification for my bitterness of 2:
1)At 2pm, nothing good is ever on TV.
2)Speaking of TV, chanel 2 never has anything good on it..except Con Air, but it's on way too much on that ch.
3)That Noah couldn't just squish those 2 mosquitoes.
4)Lesbiens piss me off.
5)The best moments in life never happen twice.
6)double-standards throw everyone off.
7)A pair of two-faced, half-heighted siamese twins.
8)Siamese twins are almost never siamese. Another double-standard.
9)Hidden meanings in poetry.
Crap. Music makes me happy.
Current mood: happily pessimistic Current music: Ben Folds- Still Fighting it.
This last weekend was Paradigm's first debate round robin this year. Everything was fast paced and good for the soul. The crazy part was that Michael and I completely rewrote our case the day before with a totally different topic. It was lame that EVERYbody in policy had cases dealing with DC statehood, but it was also good practice. The best part was, at the end of it all, I was listening to a parly judge explain to me about how all DC statehood cases are a)nontopical, and b)a really bad, awful idea. I can't wait for january tournaments (we'll smash!). Overall, Michael and I won 2nd place out of all the policy teams present (a huge surprise to me, because we only won 2 out of 4 rounds). The trophy was a Skore bar and a certificate drawn by Kirsten with a sharpie! And, in the "clap" awards, I won the title of "best refutation" in policy. Sweet.
Debate is fun; debate is torture; torture is good for the soul.
-A common phrase in Paradigm-
On a different topic, yes, Melissa is enaged. She says she won’t get married until she’s 19. She’s 16 now… I just don’t—Forget it.
Xavior James Campbell was born sometime last night, healthy and perfect.
Current mood: prepared Current music: thoughts humming thru my mind
Sunday, December 14, 2003
Too many feelings I'm unable to express
Doesn't keep me from trying.
Each word, one at a time, I impress
A new emotion in his eyes.
And sitting in his car's front seat
Is where I feel the most free.
I'm not sure what it is i've just written
Love does crazy things to a person.
---
Man..Today..well, the past hour realy, was one of the best parts of my life.
---
Hopefully by now, baby X is born. I can't wait to see.
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
i'm never here this much. [lj]
She fucking got herself engaged.
Ever notice how you can create pseudo-meaningful and heart-piercing interpretations of other's dreams, but when it comes to thinking up a meaning--any meaning--to your own, nothing works?
I was walking into my kitchen at 1am to make a banana into a midnight snack. When I got upstairs, all the lights were turned on, as well as the fans, electrical appliances, TV--EVERYTHING. Bewildered, I stood at the top of the stairs, clutching the banana (which had magically appeared in my grasp). Then, I heard voices, turned around, and suddenly, the entire upstairs was filled with people! They were partying and having a great time among the lights and noise. In a fury, I told them all to enjoy my bounty, and turned on my heel to go back to bed; but first to wash the banana off my hands because I sqeezed it to mush in my rage.
Then I woke up.
What does all this mean?
Current mood: not so tired Current music: 80's love tracks
my quest for a clear shot of Darcy ended in disgrace.
I hate it when people post quotation after quotation in thier livejournals. It bugs me that they think other people want to read all that crap. All of this is cited to Billy Corgan..A lot of what he says are things I find myself saying. The rest i find unique and you don't have to continue reading if you feel like I normaly feel.
"I use music as some kind of weird salvation to get away from life."
"My earliest memory is of feeling different. My parents told me that I wasn't like other children."
"As a 28 year old who's lived long enough to know the difference, I know now that the feelings I felt at 16 were not necessarily correct. But however overly dramatic, the desperation and hopelessness I felt at 16 was my reality."
"For a 6-foot-3 guy with no hair and a whiny voice, I've done all right."
"Nobody wants to hear about justice unless there's injustice, especially in America. We don't care about sexual harassment until the president gets a blow job, you know."
"It could have been any vegetable."
Current mood:  tired Current music: Tarvis
I seriously think, if somebody played or sang this song for me--if I knew it was for me--that would be enough to make me cry.
"
don't give up on me yet
don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
but don't let me stay here alone
this time all I want is you
"
It occurred to me the other day that I am wholly complete, but by halves. Like something glued me together perfectly with a cheap adhesive. So, whole, I should be happy; but put back together in the likeness of an antique lamp that some kid knocked off the table, I should..be grateful?
Ok...this last thought mocks everything I just said but, I like it: "I believe God does not endorse TV evangelists."
-Savage Garden
I wish there was something i could do to help myself.
Current mood: "...grateful?" Current music: Lifehouse- Take Me Away
An online add has the ordasity to propose i go DSL for only $3.99 a month.
I love cox.
Current mood: I AM AMAZING Current music: Mood mix- British love songs to fit any mood!
Monday, December 8, 2003
I've discovered two new talents that I possess. A) Candle-carving [you may call me The Widdler] and B) Dream interpretations. I'll interpret your dream for two nickels--no dimes please. And I've never been proven wrong. Possible implications for my future… who knows? There is a galaxy of probabilities waiting to be gawked at.
On another note… I've created potential for a policy case, pinpointed an intrinsic flaw of humanity, consumed a quesadilla, forgiven the flaw, and read past the entire American Revolution all in one day! Plus, I'm training myself to become my very own ambassador to Walt Disney Land. (My justification: I've never been there before)
Michael Santiago is my first debate partner ever. These past few days have proven him to be remarkably copable. I provide the analogies and he inserts them into the margins of policy jargon. It's a beautiful thing.
Current mood: ubber-productive Current music: still chanting Cyprus Hill in my mind
Wednesday, December 3, 2003
My dad is currently the highest bidder for a SP-200 Korg Keyboard. I was going to upload her picture here, but i don't want anyone getting envious and outbidding me.
What am I going to do about tomorrow? I'm still in the process of not thinking about it...Though..I discovered 11 extemp articles I pulled before we left (*Thank you, God*)
Current mood: soulpowered-in an unchurcy way Current music: Pink Floyd- On the Turning Away
I don't think i did badly at all for getting 2 weeks worth of school work finished in four days. I'm giving a monologue in drama tomorrow where my character delivers a speech to convince her dolls to wreak acts of vengeance upon her father. The interesting part is, that the entire piece was taken from the book of Psalms. (And I practiced in front of some old stuffed animals and my dog to solidify my "actor's motivation")
[I found some great pictures to put on shirts! All i need are the shirts..]
Yesterday, I found out that my grandmother's name was Daloris Sholtz. I hope that's how she spelled it. Oh, and if anyone knows how to access outer-state obituaries of the past, please let me know. I pulled several sites off of google, but nothing worked.
Current mood:  bouncy Current music: The Ramones- Beat on the Brat
Tuesday, December 2, 2003
Something just occurred to me. I don't know my grandmother's name.
I've seen a picture of her before..My nose is allot like hers. She died before I can remember..Maybe even before I was born. I don't know. Though, from what I've been told by my dad, the whole situation was pretty messed up. Meaning, he had a crappy childhood. His parents were married for convenience. Still, I'm the sort of person who delights in hearing stories of my past relatives, tracing back the family tree (i wish it was longer than 2 generations), and discovering what blood is in me. I'm jealous of those who have those fat, black bibles that their great(X 12) grandfather recorded everybody's birthdays, marraige dates, etc in the front. For me, finding old pictures or artifacts that are somehow connected to me is equivalent to discovering a pirate's treasure buried in my back yard.
Allison Reynolds (Ally Sheedy)| The Breakfast Club- "My home life is unsatisfying."
Current mood: reading til 2am bc i wanted to Current music: P.Diddy & Bad Boy Family feat DavidBowie-This is not America
Monday, December 1, 2003
I've been promoting Sigur Ros lately--They have a new merchandise store up thru the official site [18 seconds before sunrise]-- Plus, for those who play guitar, or can convert tablature into notes for whatever you play, check out this tablature site I've discovered; is has recorded sheet music for 4 Sigur Ros songs, including Untitled 1, 4, 8, and Viorar vel Til Loftarasa. Then you can learn the songs and serenade me! (Note, this tactic has an amazing probability of making me fall in love with you)
http://www.guitarists.net/tab/bands.php/sigur_ros.html
And for all you hopeless romantics...please..don't try to sing along. Let beauty speak for itself.
Current mood: impatient Current music: Frank Senatra- Leaving on a Jetplane
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Not to be cliche, [because I honestly wasn't thinking about the holiday] but i was thinking about the way everything has evolved in my life, and just feeling grateful.
There obviously are still some issues I have to overcome, but what is life without obstacle? Unappreciative, that's what. Besides... I don't miss the past like I did before. There are plenty of things I could regret, but I try not to. The only thing I sincerely regret..and know I should not feel otherwise or attempt to excuse..is the way I treated Steve. Yet, I know it would be pointless to express that to him again now. Regardless...He's an amazing person, and just having known him for a while has changed my life for the better. Whether or not i was ever able to express myself, I am so grateful for the person he is (shortcomings and perfections alike..i knew them all). Don't get me wrong..I'm happy the way things ended up..I think I'm the best I've ever been before, because I'm happy situationally as well as stable.
I wouldn't want to change a thing..despite my own regrets, I wouldn't be the same person without the memories. And it wasn't all bad.
Current mood:  contemplative Current music: 'Say Anything' soundtrack- In Your Eyes
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